hihi !

2011-12-11T21:17:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be the day of my term test, and yet i did not seems to study enough.

I remember my last exam, when i did not really study much too.

Fortunately, the questions which came out in exam were those that i spotted. I dont know if im really lucky, or my mother is looking after me, helping me.

Long ago, when i spotted question for my exam, I always feel that god is helping me.

However, as for now, my mind is filled with thankful thoughts for my mum.

I just felt that she is there when i need her, and taking care of me from high up.

Your image will always live in my heart, and my mind :)

loveyou. And thanks for everything that you have been helping me.

I will work hard, (*but my mind dont seems to be in the study mode*)

CW journal 1

2011-11-03T00:28:00.002+08:00

When I was young, I was a very mischievous girl. I do not like to go home, and I quarrel with my mother almost every day. Our communication became lesser as time goes by, which worsen our relationship.

One day, I received a call from my father, saying that my mother is hospitalized due to some serious illness. I was totally in a blank state of mind. Why did this happen? When did she start falling sick? Why, as a daughter, living under the same roof, I did not notice it? Without second thought, I rushed to the hospital to see my mother. My father told me that she was suffering from an incurable illness, throat cancer. I started to question myself about my concern for her. If I had shown more concern, I would have noticed that she is feeling unwell, before her illness got worse. I regretted, but we could not turn back time anymore.

Her health condition fluctuated as time goes by. She was sent to the hospital several times as the cancer cells played a fool on her body. Years went pass, looking at her becoming thinner and thinner, and hair loss became so serious that she had to wear a wig. My heart sank to the bottom, looking at my mother in such bad condition. Our communication increased as I hope to give her support through communicating. Looking at her smiles increasing, make me feel better. Doctor gave her many medicines which can help in controlling her illness. She was very obedient to eat all medicines on time. However, never did I think that she was actually feeling very terrible inside. She was very scared of medicines, as she consumed about seven different types of medicines in a day. She once told my aunt that she wish to stop eating medicines because they really tasted awful. She always put a smile on her face because she did not wish to add burden to our stress towards school, work or etc.

My mother was a very stubborn person. We told her numbers of times that we will do the house course when we return from school, because we wished that she can rest more, but she insisted of doing them.

One day, before the sun was even rise, my brother ran into my room to wake me up from my sleep. Without further thinking, I knew that something had happen, and I ran towards my mother’s room. She was suffering from stroke, and having breathing difficulty. We sent her to hospital immediately and she was omitted to the emergency operation room. We waited for news. After operation, her situation was not better. She was transferred to the ward. I held her hand tightly, and thought that why did I always quarrel with her in the past? I regretted so much that when I had the chance to be a good daughter, I did not cherish it.

My heart ached when I see her breathing through the inhaler mask. Her breathing was not smooth. Every breath she take, her chest part of the body will move up, a sight of not breathing comfortably. Her breath went slower and slower in front of my eye, and stopped. She did not open her eye to take a look at her lovely children on that day.

From then, I learnt to cherish every of my moment of life, respect my father and not to quarrel with family. I will not make the same mistake again. We should appreciate what we have now, and accept the fact of what we do not have. This will lead to lesser quarrels, and a more beautiful life.

2011-03-02T22:27:00.002+08:00

Even though i don't show out my concern and feeling, im always caring about u.

So please tell me everything, don't hide it to yourself.

It've been 17 years plus. I know that in your eyes, im not a great daughter. I made u angry because of my results, laziness, bad attitude, & more more more. However, after i went into poly, i feel that i've finally grown up. I know what is most impt now. I changed my attitude, studied hard for my exams and tests. However, i do have to admit that my laziness is still there. I just hope that i can stop school right this instance to take care of u and be a good eldest daughter in the family. We pass down the chores/tasks to generation. I have to learnt more, a lot more. Well, i can only say that i can see this family becoming more and more united unlike the previous few years where quarrels are always around. I can see my brother being very caring in this family now, sister helping out when i need her really much. I really love all this feeling. I may be greedy; the more of these feelings, the better it'll be. In the past, which i remembered, the first time u were admitted to the hospital, bro, sis & me did not even asked about what happened, did not even show a single concern, and sis was even happily playing w/ the hospital bed. My 3rd aunt questioned me, " why u all never even ask about her condition? " I felt so guilty after this question. However, as time passes, i saw that great change in our siblings' mind-set. I felt the concern, the care from family. I felt so protected. At least i know that there are people who are caring for me, living is great.

I do have to admit about dad's nag. I really don't like people repeating again and again. However, those nag are good nag, good advise. I can see my dad's stress, in business and family. Looking at him getting thinner now... Im working at his office, and I really want to see him eating more. He had been busy in his work, and now with family stuffs, he have to run from jurong to bishan many times in a day. I'll want to learn driving asap, so that i'll be the one driving family around. Till now, i can only say 1 simple yet true sentence, " I really love my family. "

Today, i woke up in the morning to get ready for work. While working, i remembered that u are taking your report today at 12pm. During lunch break, dad called me to tell me that my aunt is coming to fetch me to KK hospital for check-up. So i was thinking," wow, so i don't need to work?" After lunch break, my aunt came and took me to KK, however it was only for emergency patients. Therefore, she brought me to thomson plaza clinic. Waiting for our turns, my uncle suddenly told me about your condition. After hearing, my heart became so heavy. I could not control my tears and it started rolling down.. Wiping it off and off, and it was my turn to see the doctor. I had a fear. I really don't want to have any problem in my body system, i don't wish to let my family worry. After scanning is done, im glad that the doctor say there is no problem with my body, just that i cannot go on diet anymore, and i have to gain my weight. I went home, and told my sister about this, i don't know if she is going on diet a not, but she is a girl too, i don't want her to have the same problem as me. However, i was more thinking about your condition instead of mine... I went out to meet my friends at around 6plus. During my bus ride, I thought about your condition, and tears were brimming in my eyes. I can't let it roll down.. The feeling was like, not breathing for 3min. sucks. really sucks.

I realise that i only saw u one time today, not even for 1min, or 10sec, which is in the morning. When i reached home, u're resting. I don't wish to wake u up, therefore, i dare not go in. Really hope that I can see u getting better. It's a heartache to know that your condition had worsen, and looking at u being so pale..

Somehow, I miss seeing u with more fats, I miss your original voice, sharp yet caring. How I wish to go back to 4years time, and advise u to see doctor when u was down with cough. Cough causes all these. I hate it.

Roller Coaster ~

2011-02-18T12:08:00.002+08:00

Ups and down, left and right.

90, 180, 270, 360.

when u're sitting on it, fasten your seatbelt.

u'll never know what is going to happen next. be safe than sorry.

u can't predict the future, u can't avoid the future either.

therefore, just move along w/ the flowing water.

that's life, yr life.

heaven is fair. everyone will be facing problems someday of their life.

u just can't jump over the obstacles. because u'll be facing it again someday after.

all the obstacles are within your capabilities to solve it; heaven is fair, as mentioned earlier.

it a matter of time, knowledge and willingness to do so.

don't be pessimistic. don't give up. have hope in yourself.

bear in mind that everyone faces problems, not only u.

just try sitting on a roller coaster.

experiencing life in a fast speed.

put on yr seatbelt, and off it goes.

it may go up slowly, but down in the speed of light.

but hold on to yr friends beside u, they will always be there to support u.

and soon u'll realise that "hey, i'm climbing up again"

180turn, 360turn. well, no matter how it turn, it is still on the track. and turning back again.

after the fast-speed life experience, it goes back to square 1, and other people take their turns.

different people have different perspective.

some may thinks that roller coaster is scary, while others thinks that it is fun.

some people may experience it w their eyes closed, and just hope to end this fast. others may scream their lungs out when they face fear.

well, no matter what, just enjoy it.

because, life goes on...

cheers.

Future or Past?

2011-01-31T23:04:00.003+08:00

If u have a time machine, u'll choose to go back to the past, or go into the future?

If i have a time machine, i'll choose to go into the future.

at least i'll know what will happen to me in the future.

so that i would not have to go through many ups and down of life.

well, i hate challenges. i hate competition.

if i can foreseen my future, i'll seriously just walk towards it, cos i cant change the future anw.

whats the point of going into the past when u had experience it before?

well, maybe it's a good/happy thing that happened before. but, that happiness last for a certain time. it's not forever.

might as well look into the future to prevent anymore saddness.

goodbye.

Know your limits, seriously.

2010-11-27T08:47:00.002+08:00

Please, think before any words come out from your mouth.

You'll just piss someone off w/ your words, and yes, you-are-pissing-me-off.

I seriously don't understand, big person like you, w/o a big brain? or even, a brain.

The other conclusion is that you're not using your brain.

Don't act like you're the only smart one here, moreover, you're not smart.

Don't assume that only the work you do is correct, and say that mine is wrong when teacher have not even say the answer.

When we went to tell u, " We did not do the same way as your's"

You come answering," Oh, so your one is wrong. Mine is correct."

What's your problem, man.

Every time when you do not know how to do the question, you came and ask us, like we must teach you. If you're smart, why you're asking us question? Do it yourselves.

When others ask you question, the only thing you said is, " I don't know leh, don't ask me"

U are just too selfish to teach, and scare of losing.

Come on la, we're all classmates. Every one is learning. Why can you be so selfish to not teach them? I EXPERIENCED THIS FROM YOU TOO. U just don't want to teach me something that I don't know.

And well, I realize that you choose the people who you want to teach. I don't know the reason.

Firstly, i asked u how to do _______.

"How to put this smaller?"

"I don't know leh, don't ask me"

And, after 5min, the other person asked the same question as me.

U taught that person.

Secondly, person A don't understand the lecture.

You, " u understand what the lecturer is teaching ma?"

Person A, " No, hahaha. "

You went to teach person A, and person A don't understand what u're saying -.-

Act smart.

Seriously, know your limits. Results will prove everything. And it had proven. So, don't come and ask us question when you're in doubt, when you don't even wish to teach others when they are in doubt.

Humans' thinkings are complicated

2010-11-08T21:04:00.003+08:00

During work, we usually say, " omg, it's so boring! " / "omg, why is this so difficult? "
So, which situation do u prefer?

Why are people saying this "boring" word?
Perhaps the work they're doing are so simple that they find it boring.
Meaningless to do it, what's the use of doing it.
Next, why are people saying this "difficult"word?
Their work are challenging, they're facing numbers of obstacle.
Their boss is giving them stress in finishing the work.

Then, which do u choose? Simple/Challenging?
Well, different people have different views.
People who just want to make a living and get things done over with, definitely choose simple jobs.
People who want to improve themselves, of cause will choose challenging jobs.
Seriously, human are really annoying. Complain is what they are talented/born with.
Giving them a simple job, they complain that it's boring, giving them a higher level job, they complain that it's difficult. Humans are really hard to be pleased.

Firstly, nothing is meaningless/useless. Even a work of "Data Entry" is an important job.
Normally, the head will ask new-comers to do data entry.
Please don't ever look down on this simple job. It teaches u the patience needed to work. It's a training, actually. Is it meaningless or useless to u?
Secondly, if the head assign u with a challenging job, it actually mean that he/she believe in u that u can complete this important job. Well, u're highly looked upon to.
Giving u the pressure will allow u to train your endurance, and having more improvement in that job.

This happen to student as well.
The subjects they studied are either dry/boring, or difficult/challenging.
We just have to live through it. There is nothing we can do to change the fact that, "WE NEED TO STUDY"
Just accept it, whether or not we get good grade, is about our hard work and endurance.
However, give your 101% effort for everything u do. If not, regret will be one thing that u'll be getting, as well as terrible results.

Hopefully, humans will soon realize that they are complaining too much, and give a peace sign for everyone.

Life is so mess up

2010-11-05T01:28:00.003+08:00

If a friendship is ruin by others' gossip, it's really not worth.

It's like a plate of wonderfully placed dish, and just because of people saying, "重看不重用" u do not dare to eat it.

It's really irritating to see this happening again and again.

I have a wonderful friendship, and because of others' gossips, u just changes 180degree? Naive.

well, i did not ask about what caused the change from u, but im guessing it's about gossip. i can see many, obviously. I did not care, why are u caring so much?!

I dunno what u're thinking, but friendship is important, at least to me, alright.

so please, grow up.

The feeling of a fading friendship is terrible. I just don't wish to experience it again.

Gossip is a short-term topic, but friendship is a long-term asset.

Cherish your friendship when u are able to, before the bads come into your way to try to break the wonderful friendship.

Maybe it's my fault too to allow people to start the gossip. yes, i'll reflect and try to make out a solution for it. However, I seriously dislike people to run away from problems.

Running away will not help, so do something that will solve the problem.

If not, the problems will follow u till u get pissed of it, and start blaming the person who create this problem to u. Which, i felt rather unfair for that person.

I realize, i usually enjoy the first 3months of the new friendship.

It's simple, and we can say everything out w/o fear.

Unfortunately, after the 3months, bored-ness, speechless, gossip-ness started.

(Not that im experiencing all of it)

and, w others' influence, things start to change, world start to turn...

Well, im glad that the earth is round. so i hope that sooner or later, the earth will turn back into it's original place.

I cherish friendship alot, thus don't end the friendship, alright? :)

2010-10-10T01:20:00.002+08:00

GIRLS. BEHAVE LIKE A GIRL PLEASE.

it's really embarrassing to see girls doing some ridiculously disgusted actions.
example, sitting with their legs open like coffee shop.
ohmygod, it's so disturbing alright. it's really ugly for girls to do that.
don't tell me about models doing that too as poses. they've went through trainings, to learn how to pose in a nice way. and, im not talking about these.
i find it really pitiful for them not to know that they are doing stuffs to attract guys' attention, or even to allow guys' to see free show.
it just make u look so .... "cheap" which is the only word i can think of.

girls, dun allow others to have such impressions on u.
it's really not a good way to express yourselves to others.
sit properly, talk nicely. they are v easy to do it.
moreover, girls love to wear short skirt/pant.
i'll strongly advice girls to wear a safety pant when they wear skirt.
however, not every girls will do so, which i find it rather weird.
it's a protection to yourselves, why do u want to be in danger? -.-
when walking up stairs, the higher u walk, the more they see.
advantage for them, and disadvantage for u.

however, guys will be at the disadvantage when it's their unlucky day.
probably some girls that got caught up w obesity might wear a little lesser during summer days.
and, guys will have to overcome the painfulness of their eyes.

Lots pity.

2010-08-29T17:01:00.003+08:00

No being offencive, but cant u be smarter? -.-
i'll appreciate if u can stop all your actions.

It's your life, man. Telling me wouldn't help. u have to face it.
I dun have time to entertain u, im busy enough -.-
Well, if u aren't going to buck up to improve, u've no one to blame, but yourselves.
Scold vulgarities all u want -.- u're the one who got to face the impressions others have on u.
Do u even think that scolding vulgarities now and in the future can make a living?! -.-
Please do something that is meaningful for life. U, too, know the consequences of not bucking up.
U can't run away from it; neither can u stop it.
the only way is to do well and get over w/ it. However, u may get over w/ this, but there are others that will be waiting for u to face them.

In my eyes, u're like a camel telling me that u need food and drinks everyday.
Well, normal camel do not need to eat and drink everyone, as they deposit their foods at their humps on their backs.
u have lots of foods at ur back, but u dunno how to digest it. therefore kept asking for foods to have a direct digestion. it's just like ur potential, u dunno how to use it.
u're a tough person, like a camel able to cope and live in the desert.

1% gifted.
99% hardwork.

u have that 1%, but that 99%?
u can tell me that u're working hard. but, internet is the source for everything -.- stalk people will be a piece of cake. zzz
moreover, i dun stalk u. but "news feed" shows everything :)

Don't ever try to sour me.

2010-08-23T23:02:00.002+08:00

Please be mindful to others.
U may be joking (or not), but the person who is listening to it is the one feeling it.
Yeah, u can claim that u're just joking to him/her, that person don't have to take it so seriously.
Spare a thought, please.

Think before u speak, it's very important.
Think if the words u say will or will not hurt others. Just that 1second to think, does it kills?!
That particular 1second will allow u to not bring hurt or unhappiness to others. Be a good person, alright. It seriously can save a friendship/relationship in lovers, family, relatives.

This is not the first time i'm getting sour-ed.
I hate it, alright. I ignored your remarks already, and u come with a second one.
I just hope to stand up and scold u straight into your face. However, u're older than me, i can't do that, i HAVE TO respect.
I took it as jokes for the past few. Hey, don't think that i do not have a limit.
I may joke with u, but i can assure u that remarks that u gave, i'll remember them. Never ever u're a good person in my eyes anymore.

2009-08-11T22:17:00.000+08:00

humans~
care for yourselves more.
being sad is not a case of caring yourselves.
we're living on this earth rightnow.
either u enjoy ur life, or just jump down the building.

why do u even bother to spoil the happiness of ur life, and continue living in the sad life?
start a fresh. let yourselves enjoy YOUR OWN life to the max, before u regret.

for ppl who are emotional,
pls. take a break, have a kit-kat!
no la, just kidding.
take a break, and relax yourselves. dun let worries lead you life.
either u slove it, or SOLVE IT!
dun let anything block you way of enjoying life.
it's ur life, rmb. u're the one suffering if u dun enjoy it.
why ppl bother to choose to have worries blocking ur way,and not to let worries vanish into thin air and enjoy life?
c'mon guys, make a right decision.
i believe tt u guys are able to think right, and do right.
enjoy, and smile more.

2009-08-11T20:44:00.003+08:00

If u stretch a rubber band too tight,
it'll go loose;
or worst, it'll break.

so as humans.

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not everyone is able comfort ppl successfully.
those councillors are not god alright, they may fail to do their job.
on top of it, some are only part-timers.
thus, stop saying the councillors. they are not ur who-so-ever to let u say; some of u all dun even have the ability to say.

have u all ever thought of it?
who will be councilling those councillors when they are sad? themselves? noway!
spare a thought for them. they came to bring peace to u all, and u all took it for granted and bring unhappiness to them?
wad had they done to u all and made u all wan to bring unhappiness to them?
stop complaining so much and get down to serious work; stop doing silly things to make councillors busy.
councillers are humans too, they got to rest.

stop relaying on councillors to solve ur unhappiness.
they have their own problems and unhappiness too.
stop complaining much about your staffs to them, and made them help u with it; like they're your brains?
be a thinking person, and think for yourselves, try solve your problem yourselves.
councillers are not 24/7; mind you.

in a nutshell, they came to bring peace, stop bringing problems to their life.
YOUR PROBLEMS is not equal to THEIR PROBLEMS.
u'll experience ups and down in life. take it easy, and live it through no matter what.

be mature. thankyou

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always smiling, doesn't mean they are happy.
however, do have the true smile.
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